Log in

No account? Create an account
Swallow it down [entries|friends|calendar]
prescription emotions

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Hello... [15 Apr 2005|12:21pm]

[ mood | I'm dying tonight... ]

Hi... Yeah, so, I was diagnosed with Arnold Chiari (or a chiari malformation) and syringomelia... I won't explain that much, but it creates a fake pain that you cannot describe, comes with ringing in the ears, and if you act now, you get a free sudden rush of pain when you least expect it!! Sound too good to be true? Well, I'll sweeten the deal! I'll throw in head pressure every time you put your hands up! Also, in this offer, you get headaches and throbbing pain... absolutely free! All you have to do is to be born with it...
So yeah, I was diagnosed when I was 8, had surgery when I was 11 or 12, and found out (the hard way) that my fucking prick doctor doesn't believe in pain medicine. It's been almost two years since then, and I went back to shcool a month after they ripped a piece of my skull out. (yeah, chiari is a malformation of the brain... It was either that or die... If only I had the choice, and not my mom...) But yeah, then my teacher was trying to fail me, and I got all pissed and cut myself. Then, it got worse, and I had to tell my mom (yeah, I fear for my life even if I'm the one who's endangering it...). So, I went into therapy, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and now I take Busprion 5mg. (the smallest dose.) It's to help with my anxiety, but I have nothing to help my depression (which has, in fact, gotten worse throught the last 2 weeks.) I've been thinking of suicide and wondered why my mom kept using me as some freak show to start a conversation... I've gotten very oparanoid over the last month. I sometimes believe that everyone in this world is against me, and hat I'm the only real person here (like the Matrix? I dunno, I've never seen all of it). Plus, my mom refuses to get me depression stuff (she belives therapy can fix everything) because I can write beautiful poetry. And she belives that you can only be sad to write good poetry. So I'm trying to keep to myself (because everytime I talk to someone, I have to smile and take whatever they say, and most of the time it's just to critisize me) like Emily Dickinson... But she went insane...
So yeah, I'm dying here... And I can't understand it...

2 comments|post comment

Wellbutrin? [21 Jan 2005|09:24pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

Hello there. I just recently joined this community, and this is my first post, because I have some concerns.

I've been in therapy for roughly 9 years, and have really only gotten marginally better, and in the last 3 or so years have actually gotten considerably worse. When I was younger, I was diagnosed with ADD and depression/bipolar disorder. They tried medication for both, but the stimulants made me more daydreamy, if anything, and the SSRIs made me extremely depressed. I've been off medication for probably 6 years now. I recently got involved with a guy who went through a lot of therapy over the last few years, and has really improved his life a considerable amount. This made me realize that perhaps I wasn't working with the therapist correctly/enough (I only saw her a few times a year, by this point) and saw her 5 times in two weeks over the winter holidays. After talking to her about some things that I never had before, she said that she thought my diagnosis of ADD and depression was incorrect (she was not the therapist to diagnose me with those) and that in fact I had an anxiety disorder, possible OCD, and extremely overreactive emotions. Now that I'm back at school, I'm working with the school to work with my professors, and I'm seeing one of the psychologists here on campus. She recommended me to a psychopharmocologist in the area, but I'm skeptical about his response. He seemed very gung-ho about ADD. Before I mentioned ADD, he was agreeing with me about the anxiety and emotional stuff, but the moment I mentioned that I had been diagnosed (and then undiagnosed) with ADD, he immediately started attributing everything to my ADD, despite considerable evidence to the contrary, even me saying otherwise. He agreed to see what he could do about the emotions and anxiety, but still seemed rather focused on the ADD. He prescribed me 150 mg then 300mg(if no side effects) of Wellbutrin XL. Now, upon reading up on this drug, it seems primarily for the things he seems to think are wrong, not the things I mentioned and my other two therapists have talked with me about. It's used for ADD and depression, not anxiety and emotional reactivity. Not only is it not used for anxiety, worsening anxiety is a common side effect!

Frankly, I'm not sure what to think, here. Has any one here had good experience with this drug with either of the two problems I mentioned?

4 comments|post comment

[09 Dec 2004|06:09am]

Hey I'm Colleen.. or Col<3. Okay so I used to be one of 'those' who hid with a big smile.. pretended to be soooooo happy.. while I truly was DYING. I started 'breaking' in October.. friends found out I cut myself daily -many times a day, I was eating 800 calories a day (lost around 20pounds), felt so SAD. &Yesterday 2friends told my school psychologist I cut myself.. he asked to see &I was like 'YOU CANNOT CALL MY MOM' (she flips and feels so worried/sad/mad/confused.. aka I GET MORE HURT). He called her cause it's some rule that like idk. &&I was like 'I'm so afriad to grow up and be old.. and die..' &He's like 'SO YOU wanna kill yourself now?' I'm like 'No!'. Seriously. I spent 2nd period with him.. 1/2 of 3rd with my guidance counselor.. 1/2 of 5th with my guidance counselor.. 6th with my guidance counselor.. 1/2 of 7th with the nurse.. I was a mess. I am a mess. I just was crying so much.. so sad.. so worried. Okay I was diagnosed ADD in July. Started taking 54mg Concerta time-released. My pediatrician diagnosed that. BUT I was so depressed in Sept, Oct, Nov &now December. Plus is kind of made me hyper. So I finally went to a psychiatrist who I loveeee<3 although I've only been with her for 2times so far. I went last Wed and she diagnosed me as GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). She prescribed me Klonopin .5mg at night, Lexapro 10mg in the morning. I saw her yesterday &she added Prozac 10mg in the mix.. for after school, to speed up the Lexapro or something. IT SUCKS I AM NEVER HAPPY LIKE I 'WAS'. I have to keep a mood journal because I have 'rapid moods'. She diagnosed me as Adjustment Disorder with like behavior problems, also ADHD combined type (but they're treating my anxiety/depression first I'm guessing?). Today I see my psychologist.. &I'll be back seeing my Psychiatrist Saturday. I'm seeing my guidance counselor today and my school psychologist tomorrow. I used to like cutting, the temporary release/rush. Now I don't like it.. but I NEED it. Once I start, like with one cut, I can't stop. It's ruining my life.. and my mom does not want to hospitalize me but the school can make her &she told me my newest cuts were disgusting &sick. They are. She doesn't mean to sound like MEAN but they are. My friends are doing EVERYTHING they can. It's me.....

-ADHD combined, Adjustment disorder with Disturbance of Conduct, Generalized Anxiety disorder
-Lexapro 10mg in morning, Prozac 10mg after school, Klonopin .5mg at night

2 comments|post comment

um [04 Dec 2004|08:13am]


ritilin is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

not really sure i agree with that, but when it came up i laughed out loud....
1 comment|post comment

I'm new... [03 Dec 2004|11:09pm]

[ mood | mellow ]

Hey, I'm Meghan, and I'm 15. This past summer I was clinically declared depressed. I've been taking 20 mg of Prozac everyday in the morning, and so far it's been working. Not much cutting, very little thoughts of suicide... but I do have some complaints.

First of all, is there anyone out there who, when they first started taking anti-depressants, felt overly happy all the time, like you couldn't stop smiling? That happened to me. For a couple weeks, all I could do was smile. It was pretty annoying. I call it the honeymoon phase of medication, because you feel all good and happy with the world. Then when I got used to it, my emotions kind of settled back down.

Sometimes I'm embarassed that I'm actually a happy person now. I mean, I have more confidence and I'm more outgoing. I can't stand perky people, and sometimes I find that I'm being perky myself! Of course I'd take my meds versus being depressed, but the emotional rollercoaster is excruciating.

That's all for now.

6 comments|post comment

point and laugh at the newbie [29 Nov 2004|10:32pm]

i'm hannah, i am 17 just like the last hannah that joined...i guess i abuse my ritilin, all the while dispising it, nothing else i have tried has worked (except adderal, but i didn't exactly try that legally) i also am in the middle of swiching anti depresants...this feels like some sort of weird confesion instead of introduction, but yeah, i have been medicated since i was 9, and i kind of forget what i am like with out them...not that i want to know. it would be good to know more people in a similar situation...
post comment

just some random bitching [13 Sep 2004|09:56am]

[ mood | annoyed ]

Is there anyone else that hates most of the people at their school too? I swear... these people will be the deth of me if I'm not the death of them. They're a bunch of immature idiots! I can't wait to get out of this school. Senior year can't go by fast enough.

2 comments|post comment

[23 Aug 2004|09:07pm]

[ mood | depressed ]

Name: Hannah, 17 Years old
Diagnosis: ADHD combined type, comorbid anxiety (mainly social)
Treatment: I have tried wellbutrin, strattera, adderall, and am currently taking imipramine.

I know this is my first time posting, and I apologize for jumping in and asking questions so quickly. But I have a few...sry.
Has anyone else get really bad nightmares with Tofranil/Imipramine? Ive seriously never had a nightmare that I can remember in my whole life until I started taking it. Plus I can only sleep about 7 hours a night. And I feel really strange about an hour after taking- like wierd crazy thoughts about words and numbers and objects having feelings and being sort of live. i cant explain it really. Has anyone else had these effects from it? Should I call the Dr about this, or just wait til late Sept til my appointment? God I just want to get off this medicine...grrr.

2 comments|post comment

still here [21 Aug 2004|10:32am]

[ mood | discontent ]

I just want to let anyone who may come across this community know that it's not some little un active place. It's not active now because we need members!! I'm gonna whore it out later, but join if you'd like. Post about what you want (related to the info, of course). It will be read and replied to (I check it often). Go ahead and join.

post comment

testing [02 Jul 2004|01:06pm]

[ mood | anxious ]

I'll try to make the layout better within the next few days. My comouter has a virus, so it's kinda hard. If you're interested in being a mod, comment.

community owner,

8 comments|post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]